Nearing the end

It will be a matter of days until my father will leave his body.
My half-sister is already acting an ass over money and control.
I just want him to have peace and for his last wishes to be carried out.
They can try to do what they will with everything else – if a will isn’t found.
Today I stayed home for the first time to rest.
I needed it.
Dad is unresponsive for the most part.
It will be soon.

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Thursdays visit

Dad was barely alert today and hasn’t eaten and actually refused water today.
He knew I was there but that’s about it.
He outright refused food unlike yesterday where he simply said ‘later’.
Sigh…
I don’t even know why I am documenting this but, I guess there’s a reason for everything 😢

I don’t think my father has much time left

Just got back from hospice. Dad wouldn’t eat today and was in and out of consciousness all afternoon. He mentioned fish and how to cook it, but wouldn’t eat any when they brought it to him. He’d keep saying he’d east some, but would say ‘,not yet’ when offered food.
He is drinking water though.
A little anyways.
He’s still in pain (about an 8 he said when they asked), and even grimaces from it in his sleep.
The cancer hurts and so do the blood clots in his extremities.
He is still filling the urine bag so his kidneys and bladder are still working and his breathing is faster than usual and a little shallow, it isn’t labored.
His right arm is still swollen, but his left has gone down considerably, but they both hurt and he has trouble moving them.
He’s confused and mumbles to himself.
Doesn’t respond and/or understand many questions either.
My dad is going.
But he won’t admit it.
He keeps saying he will deal with things later.
Today, sitting there I wanted to be a source of comfort but I also felt incredibly sad.
This is THE hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life.

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